Being in the moment is something that will help you in all aspects of your life, but it can be particularly helpful for dating.  When you are in the moment you convey a lot of attractive qualities to the opposite sex.

First of all, you’re in the moment, enjoying everything around you for what it is, as apposed to up in your own head.  When you are talking to a girl and you are in your head, she will subconsciously pickup on this.  If when you’re talking, you’re up in your head thinking “Umm what should I say next, ummm would she like it if i did this?” it comes through in the communication.

This is one of the things guys do most that women simply hate.  It conveys low value.  It shows that you are actively placing her as higher value than yourself, because you are putting so much thought into the interaction with the woman.

To avoid being up in our own heads, we must be in the moment.  Now what does that mean exactly?

Being in the moment, essentially means just being.

There are no thoughts, no judgments, no questioning of what is occurring around you.  You are embracing exactly what is going on in front of you, without thinking about what has happened in the past, what will happen in the future, if this is good, if it is bad, if you should do this or that.  You just are.

When you are in the moment people like you.  You come off as genuine and real.  You come off as someone who has a calm and controlled life.  You appear confident.

Most people do not live in the moment and this is the worst thing you can do for your mental health.  If you never stop to just appreciate what is going on right this moment, and spend your whole life wrapped up in the past, or possible future, you will never live life powerfully, be it with women or in any other aspect.

Also, when you are in the moment, you will be enjoying your reactions much  more.  You will be connecting with people much quicker and more deeply because you are being genuine in your experience.  Women will see this quality in you and find it endearing and intriguing.

So how can we begin to live in the moment?

There is a simple breathing exercise that I highly recommend.  It will teach you to live in the moment much more often and to appreciate the moment for what it is.

Whenever you get a chance, or recognize that you’re very out of the moment, just take a deep full breath.  Breath in deeply, filling up your diaphragm first, and then the top of your chest.  As you fill your lungs with air, think no thoughts, but just focus on the air coming in.

Quickly you will be bombarded with no smells sights and sounds of your atmosphere that you didn’t previously notice were there.  You will be appreciating the moment.
Doing this multiple times a day will greatly increase your ability to live powerfully in the moment.

Kurt Spelling

Yo guys,

Today I’m going to talk about something thats been on my mind for the last few days. As the title states, overcoming social anxiety is easy if you know that the world is a friendly place. But, I find most people do not walk around with this mindset.

I live in a city that is by no means crime free. Sure, there are muggings and assaults and drug dealing and all the TERRIBLE CRAZY SCARY things you see on the news every night in my town. Yet I have never experienced any of these terrible things.

We generate our own reality. If you see the world as a scary place, it will be, and your social anxiety will perpetuate itself. If you see it as a great friendly place, it will be!

The first recommendation I can make to you is to stop watching the news. American news is the main reason most Americans think that the world is this horribly violent and scary place. Every single story is about this person being robbed or that person being raped. This is information you can live without knowing, trust me.

The mindset and outlook you will get by watching the news is misleading. It can also be detrimental to your life. If you walk around scared that everyone is violent and out to get you, eventually they will be.

The other day I walked by a guy who was clearly in the bloods(a violent North American gang), and I said “what’s up” to him. What did I get back? No, it wasn’t a stabbing. He said “whats good man”. Ofcourse, because the world is a friendly place!

How does this apply to pickup?

overcoming social anxiety...get her!!

When you assume the world is a friendly place, and you start expecting everyone to be friendly with you, well that includes girls. Talking to girls is easy when in your deep core you expect them to be friendly with you.

When you are out at the bars and clubs, just assume that everyone is REALLY nice. Overcoming social anxiety is very easy if you assume everyone is nice and your friend. You might even say it to a girl when you walk up. “Hey you looked nice I wanted to come meet you.”

The greatest part about saying something like this is the person will subconciously want to live up to the persona that you gave them. A girl who might not be that nice with the average guy who walks up will end up being a lot nicer with you.

Being in the mindset that everyone is nice and your buddy makes it VERY easy to have a great time. When you bounce around a venue making fun conversation with everyone, people see how fun and social you are. This makes you stand out because most people walk around with the “everyone is scary” mindset.

When you do see the girl you want, and show her that you are attracted, she’ll be eager to meet and get to know you. You represent the fun in the venue, simply because you are not in a fearful mindset about socializing.

So how can you go about changing your mindset from “everyone’s scary” to “everyone’s my buddy”?

A really simple exercise which I advocate is saying hi to everyone. Simply go out and say “hi” or “whats up man” or “hey dude” to every single guy and girl you pass in the course of a day. It will only take one day to realize that the world is a friendly place.

I’ve never once had a negative or mean response doing this exercise. It will really put you in a great mood and put you on the path to overcoming social anxiety. Try it!

To sum it all up:

1. Stop watching the news
2. Say hi to everyone
3. Get the girl!

Stay pimpin

Kurt Spelling

One obstacle that a lot of men have trouble with is making the girl feel comfortable and at ease in their place. This shouldn’t be a problem if you have properly shared time building comfort and trust with the girl, but sometimes even if you have they will be a bit hesitant and nervous.

There are two major things you can do to ensure a girl will feel comfortable in your house.

1. Have a Nice place.
2. Assume she’s been there before.

Now lets talk about what i mean by ‘Nice’. Money doesn’t mean anything in terms of getting laid. Unless your in to superficial women, you won’t be getting any more action simply because you have a mansion.

Having a Nice place means having a place that follows the triple C’s.

Clean, Comfortable, Cozy. You can have a multi-million dollar mansion that doesn’t follow the three C’s and will not be great for bringing girls too.

A gigantic crack house is still a crack house.

let's make her more comfortable..

When your place follows the three C’s, girls can allow themselves to go into Fantasy mode. They see themselves lounging around in your place, totally comfortable in their pajamas or something. They love it.

Basically, if a girl can’t see herself fitting into your lifestyle, then she is way less likely to have any more then a one night stand with you. This is fine if you aren’t looking for anything more than a one night stand, but if your looking for more you will want to help her fall into this fantasy mode.

Girls are NOT a fan of this! Try to visualize a really hot chick lounging in a messy room, where she is nearly covered in garbage. Pretty hard huh? Almost NO girl would do that.

So keep your house clean. This is rule number 1.

Girls will feel that your unclean house reflects an unclean lifestyle in general. Going out with your hair all messed up will have girls deducing that your life (not just your hair) is in shambles. A house does this ten times more.

Comfort and coziness are also really helpful to making girls slip into fantasy mode. When you have nice furniture (comfort) and soft things like throw pillows (coziness) laying around, girls can visualize themselves relaxing in your place.

Thats a very great place to put a girls mind when shes in the house of a new friend.

Remember again that money is not necessary here. A few throw pillows or a comfortable couch can be purchased cheap. Put a little thought and time into designing your place and it will make it just that much easier to have girls in your life in an abundance.

The other great way to make a girl feel comfortable in your place is to bring her in with the mindset that she has already been there before.

When you bring your good friends over, you don’t walk in and say “Okay, this is the living room. This over here is the guest bedroom.” and etc. You just walk in and plop down on the couch. You should do this with a new girl too. If she needs to know where something is, she’ll ask.

Most of the time they will just plop down right beside you. A great technique to add to this comfort level is to have a “no shoes in the house” rule. When you walk in just say “shoes off” and kick off your own shoes. She’ll not only feel more comfortable but now she knows shes staying for a bit.

Stay pimpin’

Kurt Spelling